So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
