please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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