Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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