I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
