I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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