I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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