I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
