My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
