watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
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Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
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sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...