My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?