Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
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So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
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Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..