You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
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noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
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Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.