I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
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Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements