Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??