Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Randomize
