This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
