a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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