Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
