Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
