Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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