Porn is love you can see.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
