Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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