"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
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