I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
