i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
