So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
