she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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