Swine flu. Run for my life!
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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