peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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