Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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