Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
