when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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