Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
