That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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