He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
