I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
