Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I need moral support for this bender
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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