She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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