i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
