I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
