Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
