new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
