I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
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