Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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