Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
It was a blind-side dick pic.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
