You're so nebulous sometimes
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
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when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
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Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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