Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
