we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
