Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
im six kinds of drunk right now
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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