covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
