I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
