good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
