so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
