So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
