I'm lost and stupid without you.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Randomize
