my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
