I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
