she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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