So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize