he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
did you just send me my own nude
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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