i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Randomize
