a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
