I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I did not marry a roomba.
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