So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
