How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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